Laura

Laura… Laura, Laura, Laura…

This woman is truly an enigma for me and I’m not really sure how to deal with her. We connected a few months ago and the conversation was great right off the bat. We went out on our first date and honestly, couldn’t have asked for a better time. We had fun, we talked, we ate, had a few drinks, etc. Her aura is so positive and you could literally feel the love flowing from her. She is open and she is ready.

She has all the qualities that any man would want in a woman. She’s sweet, caring, soft, feminine, intelligent, ambitious, sexy, mature, etc. You name it, she has it all.

So… what’s the problem? Why haven’t I locked it down (cause Lord knows she’s ready for it)?

Well, to be truthful, she has a 6 year old son from a previous marriage that she is divorced from. For a long time, I was adamantly against dating women with children, but as I get older, this is becoming harder and harder to find. I decided early on that I would at least be open to it. However, as feelings grow and we move closer and closer to becoming a real relationship, I am reluctant to move forward.

Am I afraid of commitment? Yes and no. I am not afraid of committing to a woman, but committing to a child and family? This is brand new territory for me. Granted, the ex husband is still in the picture and I wouldn’t have to play “daddy role” on my own, but I have to be honest here…

I have mixed feelings about jumping into a family right off the bat. What’s more, I absolutely adore kids and I know I would fall in love with her son. If we were to break up, it would crush me. The other issue is the financial burden/responsibility. Yes I know he has both his parents taking care of him, but let’s be honest here, I’m not going to be with a woman who has a kid and not put up any cash to help support the child.

It’s not that I don’t have the cash… I do. But like many men, I’m still trying to reach my own financial goals, and some of them are quite lofty that require substantial investment and risk. As a responsible man, I would not feel comfortable taking the financial gambles I’m willing to take right now, knowing I have a family at home.

I never expected to be in this position. I do not want to lose this woman (and she’s asking to move forward) but the truth is… I don’t think I’m ready for her.

Part of me says to man up, the other says, let her go for the both of you.

 

UPDATE – 6/14/2018

Well it looks like my dilemma is no longer a dilemma. As I continued to contemplate what to do, Laura gave me a call out the blue. She usually calls in the evening, but today was different. In any case, she called to let me know that we couldn’t continue seeing each other. I was not in the least bit surprised honestly. She wasn’t angry with me at all. She made it clear that she still wanted us to be together, but that she couldn’t stick around while I figured things out for myself. If we continued to date, while I continued to hold back, things would only deteriorate and the love she has for me would turn into resentment and hatred. It hurt for me to hear this, but I knew it was for the best and given all that she is, she deserves someone who’s all in.

During the conversation, I explained my reluctance to go forward. Fortunately, this wasn’t the first time I had expressed it to her. What was different was that I had come to grip with the fact that I was still reeling from the pain my ex caused (several posts for future days) and that the closer we got, the reality of a kid being in the picture became more real. As a testament to this woman’s maturity and compassion, she understood and didn’t fault for these things.

I have to say, my respect for her went through the roof for this phone call. On the flipside, I felt like a coward for not having done it myself and much sooner. This is a problem that I’ve been struggling with for a long time: telling someone something that I know will hurt them. I feel like this is a male thing and I have my ideas for why (will write about later) but this has been an eye opening experience for me.

To sum it all up:

1. I’m still not ready to seriously date a woman with children
2. I really need to grow some balls and learn to say what needs to be said

 

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