That damned hindsight again… Fortunately for me this time, it’s from others around me!
Relationships will reveal your true nature deep down; the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.
When we’re in love with someone and act on that love, we shine brightly and even brighter when we see the joy we bring. However, that same someone can cause us to reveal the worst of us. Fellas, when we’re emotionally invested we can become world’s greatest assholes. Ladies, when you’re hearts in it, you can become flat out cruel (you thought I was gonna say bitches didn’t you? nope, check yaself!)
Let me talk about a few individuals that have been in and out of my life, some romantic, some just friends.
There is the one woman that I dated some time ago. We have quite a bit of history and every now and then, still get together to have some fun. Anyway, back when we were dating seriously, things were really good for the most part. We always had a good time with each other but the more time we spent together, the more we learned about each other. Unfortunately, I learned some not so good behavior about her.
See, this woman is a “free-spirit” as people like to call it. She just goes with the flow and trusts that everything will work out in the end. And for the most part, this works, cause majority of the time, things do work out in the end. So what’s the problem? She took this behavior to the extreme, to the point of being irresponsible. For example, she would routinely leave her ID behind. She’s lost her keys on more than one occasion as well as her wallet. But the instance that took the cake was, she was late for her period. And instead of getting a pregnancy test to find out once and for all, she waited another 2 weeks. Why? Because she was afraid of finding out. More on this in another post
In short, whenever she was faced with a real issue or having to be a responsible adult, she’d run from it and just let whatever happen happen.
Another example is from a friend of mine. She is a sweet woman, on top of her shit, and really makes things happen. Honestly, it’s surprising how dating/relationships effect her. Unfortunately, when she’s in a relationship, she is possessive and paranoid. If she doesn’t here from her partner at a certain or after a certain time, she would interrogate him. She would check on him on social media and question what he was doing, where he was going, who was who, etc. If she saw a like from some other girl or if he liked another girl’s photo, she questioned him about it. Even if he was dealing with some real life situations, none of it mattered because he didn’t take her call. If he had plans to go out with his friends, she’d try to get him to cancel to hang with her, and then she would get upset if he didn’t. How she came at him was teetering on “crazy”. Fortunately, after that relationship ended, she came to grips with her behavior. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to do that.
One final example. This is from a woman that is my ex girlfriend. Now, I need to be careful in writing this because this woman was so toxic, I could devote an entire new blog to how fucked up that relationship was. But, I’m going to stay on topic here and just provide one personality trait that caused issues (cause there are several).
This was a woman who was completely unable to see or acknowledge any faults in herself or her actions. She would do something that I did not appreciate and I would call her out on it. Instead of hearing what I had to say, and putting forth the effort to understand where I was coming from, she instead… attacked me. She would say that how I was feeling was stupid, that I was being ridiculous, and that all I wanted to do is tear her down. And to top it off, she would never apologize, not for her actions nor how she spoke to me. She felt completely justified in the level of disrespect she showed me. The icing on the cake is that, if I did the same thing to her, she would completely flip out on me and say how terrible of a person I was. But when I told her, she did the exact same thing, she’d say that it was different for her. Seriously, I’ve never been with a bigger hypocrite.
Unfortunately, this woman became truly ugly in that relationship. I have never seen a woman become so vicious with her words, so defensive when challenged, and then helpless when asked to step up.
These are just a few examples. I could write 10 more blog posts of several others. The point is, when we’re in relationships and our hearts are in it, our true nature comes out and unfortunately, it’s not always pretty.
This why it’s imperative that we are able to look at ourselves honestly and hold ourselves accountable for our actions. If there is some ugliness in you, acknowledge it and work to get rid of it.
So after thinking about this post for some time, I realized that it can come off as rather negative. I gave a bunch of negative examples and no positive ones; so I wanted to add some positivity to this post.
I want to talk about a woman I dated several years ago back in college. Now, this young woman was absolutely enamored with me and in truth, I did not treat her the best way. But you know what, despite all that, she showered me with endless love. No matter how mean or inconsiderate I was, she still had love to give. Love flowed from her like a river. The way she looked at me, her smile… you could see the love in her eyes. I was a dick to her, flat out. And to this date, I still feel bad.
Fortunately, after we had parted ways after school, we did reconnect. To my surprise, despite all that happened, that love still flowed from her with ease. She welcomed me into her home, took my coat and before I even sat down, offered to make me a plate of food. I’m not sure the exact moment, but I got up and walked over to her. I stopped her from what she was doing and looked her in the eye and apologized for how I treated her in the past.
It was like a weight was lifted off her shoulders, she broke down in my arms. I will never forget the look in her eyes when I told her. It meant the world to her. And throughout all of this, I could still feel the love pour from her soul.
Despite the pain that I had caused, love was all this woman knew and it showed in everything she did.
I hope she’s happy right now, cause she deserves it.
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