Online dating is such a huge topic and there are so many subtopics to cover. This is just the start of several more posts I can assure you I’ll be making.
I wanted to start off by talking about online dating as a person of color. Why? Because after speaking to my brothers and sisters, it’s become clear that online dating plays out a little differently for us.
As I stated before in my preferences, I prefer black women. I’ve come across a number of different women through the online dating world. Some ain’t shit right off the bat, others are wife potential, and many are in between. As a black man though, I have to be careful about what I talk about and how I come across. It is very easy to turn off a black woman, especially online. One wrong word, joke, or misinterpreted tone and you out the game. To my brothers out there though, if you’re serious about meeting a black woman online, let me offer you several pieces of advice:
- Do not post pics of you smoking
- Do not post pics of you holding money
- Do not post pics of you holding a bottle with sunglasses on in the club
- Do not post selfie pics in the mirror
- Do not ask to chill or come over
- Do not send dick pics
- Make no mention of sex whatsoever, not even a joke, keep the shit PG-13 at best
- Do not talk about how much money you got
- Do not talk about smoking or who you know
The list goes on, but these are the immediate mistakes that come to mind right. You do any of these, and you’ve already eliminated yourself as an option with the vast majority of respectable black women. Keep the conversation clean and light. If you can get her to laugh, you in there!
Now, I’ve talked about what to do when it comes to black women, but other races? Things get interesting. In my experience, white women don’t really care for me. Seriously, I can’t match with white women to save my life on many of the dating apps. However, the few times I do get a match, it’s usually for interesting reasons. I would say about half of my matches with other races is due to some sort of sexual desire or curiosity. I’ve been asked to participate in cuckolds more than I care to remember. And no, I did not take up any of these offers (not my style). Seriously, unless the woman already has a thing for black men, I rarely ever connect with non women of color.
Now ladies… first a moment of silence. Why? Because y’all be going through it when it comes to online dating. Like fuck man, the stories I’ve heard. Dick pics galore, fetishes, etc. It’s no wonder why you get turned off at the slightest misstep. I feel for you, really I do. Fellas, pay attention here because women and black women especially have to deal with a bunch of dicks (pun intended) and assholes on a daily basis when it comes to online dating. Ask your friend how many dick pics she’s received today? If she fine, I bet you she averages 17.6 dick pics a day. Then she has to deal with the dudes who have no conversation skills whatsoever, can’t spell, and asking her if she wants to chill, smoke, how much to fuck, or sit on his face. And then, you got the few non black men hitting her up fetishizing her and saying “I’ve always wanted to try out a black girl”. I know I’m supposed to be talking to the ladies here, but I need the fellas to know and understand what women are dealing with when it comes to online dating. Don’t be these dudes man! Step ya game up and make yourself stand out. The sad part is, just being a regular person and not a perverted asshole is enough to stand out. And that’s sad… it really is.
Ok, got that out the way. Ladies, I’m not going to ask too much of you honestly. I’ll take some time in the future to talk about what to do to attract the right guy and all that, but right now, I just ask that you do one thing. Engage! If a guy starts talking to you and hasn’t done any of the stupid shit I’ve mentioned up above, ENGAGE and keep the conversation going. Don’t let it become the interrogation. You may have a gem on your hands but you will never know if you don’t take the time to look. Now I’m not saying to engage with every single guy, of course not, but I am saying to at least put in some effort for those who aren’t clearly idiots right off the bat. Don’t make him do all the work and have to pull teeth just to keep your attention.
I will finish with this, and it applies to everyone reading this, male, female, black, white, asian, latin, etc. Even though you’re looking at a screen
there’s a person behind those messages.
If you wouldn’t say or respond a given way in person, don’t do it online. Black women are tired of dealing with bullshit from men every single day, especially from black men. Don’t perpetuate the negativity. Give our black women a reason to smile about black men. And ladies, have some courtesy to at least not ignore the ones who are genuinely putting in the effort.
Help spread the word by sharing with your friends and on social media! Shout outs for those who spread the word!
Got something to say? Leave a comment below! I will reply!