I hear a lot of women say that they deserve this or that. I honestly have always found it strange. Never in my life have I said anything to the effect of, “I deserve some dessert because I had a hard day”. Honestly, the phrase “I deserve…” I have rarely heard come from men. Why is this?
Another peculiar thought. I hear the same women say that you shouldn’t do anything nice with the expectation of getting something in return. A woman can determine that she deserves something for whatever reason, but in the same breath say that a person shouldn’t expect getting something in return for whatever deed is in question. I mean you could argue that you can deserve something without expecting it and I’m inclined to agree. Just something to think about.
When it comes to relationships though, we all like to believe that we deserve a good partner. We all also like to believe that we deserve to be happy and fulfilled. Again, I find these statements so very strange. As mature adults, we know that the world doesn’t owe us shit and simply put, life ain’t fair. As far as relationships goes though, this brings up my previous post about who your ideal partner wants. Just to recap it, are you the person the person you think you deserve deserves? If you’re not, how can you say you deserve them?
I think I’ve figured out my problem with all of this. When I hear people say they deserve something, it’s as if they expect life to just be like, “You know what? You’re right, here you go!”. It’s the subtle hidden expectation that’s buried within the statement. Additionally, it seems to be used to be justify a desire. Take the dessert after a hard day example. Those two things aren’t even remotely related!! If you want some dessert, just have some. Don’t try to justify it by saying you had a hard day or whatever other bullshit excuse. That’s it; it’s the expectation and justification that rubs me the wrong way about it.
Ok but, let’s say you really are on top of your shit. You truly are a great person. You’re attractive, loving, kind, patient, etc.; you check off all the boxes. Ok yes, you deserve someone who can match you and give you all the love in the world. But here’s the harsh reality… the world doesn’t give a fuck. At the end of the day, life does not care if we get what we deserve or if we are happy. Saying you deserve something is like saying “water is wet”. Life’s response is typically, “Ok and?”
At the end of the day, what you deserve is irrelevant. All that matters is, what are you willing to do to get what you want? What are you willing to do to find that person that can truly give you everything you’ve dreamed and hoped for? Are you going to put in real work to find them or are you just going to sit back and hope they come around because “you deserve them”?
Whoever is out there that can bring us joy is not going to walk up to us and say, “Hey, I’m the perfect match for you and we’re going to live happily ever after”. Life doesn’t work that way. The truth is, we have to put in the work to find this person, and even more work to keep them. And the harshest truth of it all, even when we have everything together, do everything right on our part, and deserve the absolute best life has to offer… We still may not get it.
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