Complaints. We all have them, whether we voice them or not, we all have them.
Usually, they come after you two have been in a relationship for a while. You know the usual, “you used to do this for me” or “why don’t we do that anymore”. We’ve all been there and look, I get it. In the beginning of the relationship, we all want to put our best foot forward. Fellas, you know we were putting in the work in the beginning; calling, texting, doing random sweet shit. Ladies, you are not immune to scrutiny lol. I’ve definitely dated women that would cook on the regular, bring me food, give me random head, etc. Hell, Stephanie used to give me head damn near every morning before going to work (great way to make sure your man’s day starts right ladies!).
It’s interesting because we have to be careful. The truth is, we get used to the shit our partners do for us. And the problem is that we get so used to it, we take it for granted and in a sense, feel entitled to it. This then becomes the basis of our complaining. Like, “eh, what the fuck? why is my dick dry this morning?” (I would never say this to a woman mind you lol). Now, if I were not the enlightened individual that I am, I’d let the fact that I wasn’t getting morning head on the regular anymore upset me. I’d probably get up aggravated and annoyed, and have an attitude towards her and everyone else. Why? Because I’ve come to expect my morning head!
Fortunately for me (and everyone around me), I understand that morning head was a courtesy that I am not entitled to by any means. Yes, she used to do it, but that doesn’t mean she’s obligated to do it. So what’s a man to do? How do I ensure that my days start off on the right nut going forward?
By showing appreciation for what I once had.
It’s really that simple. Instead of hitting Stephanie with some BS like, “hey why don’t you give me morning head anymore?”, or “You don’t suck my dick in the morning anymore”; I’d say something like this:
“Hey babe, it’s been a while since you gave me some head in the morning. I really liked it when you did and it really put me in a great mood for the day. It’d be great if you could do that for me again if you’re up for it.”
Now how do you think she’s going to respond to that vs. the other statements from before? What am I doing here exactly? I’m politely telling her that I miss something that she used to do, I’m telling her that I really appreciated it, and most importantly, I’m empowering her to do it on her own volition. This is likely to get a much more positive response.
In such a situation, she’d probably respond by either just doing it or perhaps opening up some dialogue as to why she stopped. This is extremely important. Because often times, when a partner stops doing something they used to do, instead of earnestly trying to understand why, we just complain. Open the door for dialogue and you may find that they stopped because they didn’t feel appreciated or maybe they just haven’t noticed (this is ok, we’re all human and drop the ball sometimes). If they reveal they didn’t feel appreciated, then the onus is on you to fix that. If they simply dropped the ball, give them a chance to pick it back up without biting their head off.
In closing, I’m going to give you some more examples to help get across your grievances without stirring up resentment and creating an environment that your partner would want to respond positively to:
- Hey babe, remember when we used to go out every weekend? I really enjoyed spending that time together. I’d really appreciate doing that again every now and then.
- Man, I loved that recipe you made for me when we first started dating, that shit was on point. I loved it when you cooked for me out the blue like that. It’d really brighten up my day every now and then to have those meals again.
- You know, it would really melt my heart when you help around the house. It would make my day to see you do those things again for me.
- Remember when we used to just talk for hours? Just you and me, no phone, no tv, just us. Those times meant the world to me. It made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world to you. It would put me on cloud nine to do that again.
Those are just some examples. What complaints have you had in the past and how can you express them in this new formula?
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