I recently heard a guy complaining about his girlfriend. Apparently, she constantly nags him about doings and what she wants from him. Now normally in these situations, guys are quick to sympathize, as we’ve all had the experience of a nagging girlfriend. But I want to propose a different idea:
Maybe you’re acting like a child
Look, the truth is just because you’re grown, doesn’t mean you’re an adult. There are a lot of grown kids out here. I mean think about what’s being said.
“She acts like she’s my mother”
This statement has many implications. It begs several questions: are you behaving like an adult? Are you being mature? When she asks you to do something or flat out tells you need to do something, do you act like a spoiled brat or do you try to hear what she’s saying?
It’s true that many of us don’t have the best methods of communication, but that’s not always the case. If an issue arises between the two of you, she makes suggestions on how to address it, and yet you respond by digging your heels in and blaming her… then guess what? You’re acting like a child. Here’s a conversation one of my homegirls told me about with her now ex (paraphrasing here cause I don’t remember the exact issue):
Her: Alright, so what can we do to avoid this argument in the future?
Him: I don’t know
Her: We just talked about everything that happened. I’m trying to find a solution.
Him: Ok then don’t get bothered by that again.
Her: Ok, I will try not to let that bother me as much.
Him: Ok.
Her: Is there anything that you’re going to do to avoid this?
Him: I don’t know.
Her: Well I said I would try not to let it bother me, could you try not to let it happen?
Him: It wasn’t a big deal.
Her: It wasn’t a big deal to you, but it bothered me, and I’m asking that you help in avoiding this fight in the future.
Him: We can avoid it by you not being so sensitive.
Her: Ok, I need you to take some responsibility in this.
Him: Why? I’m not the one that’s bothered. You don’t get to tell me what I need to do.
This conversation continued without getting anywhere. But you can see how she first asks politely for his support and then eventually tells him what she needs from him. Instead of stepping up like an adult, he recoiled and blamed her. He feels completely justified in whatever he did and that it’s entirely her problem.
This is the exact behavior you’d expect from a child. It’s never THEIR fault. Their actions NEVER contribute to any issue and when called out on it, they feel attacked and accuse everyone and everything outside of themselves. These are the same individuals who say their partners are acting like their mothers or fathers.
Maybe, just maybe, they’re not acting like your mother or father
Maybe you’re just acting like an immature child.
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